In my work, a primary function I play is to help people become 100% responsible for their relationships, productivity and engagement in their life and work. That’s because when they are 100% responsible, they are truly free. And, it’s hardest to remember this when they’re assaulted with fear and the fretting that accompany it.
“Live your life and run your business like you use your GPS. Set a course for your destination, make sure your vehicle is in good shape, trust you’ll eventually arrive and be content with the next instruction without knowing everything that comes after.”
Judy Ryan, CEO LifeWork Systems
Fear
When people become fearful and discouraged, they second-guess themselves, freeze up or get frantic and try everything possible to make things happen. That’s the worst possible thing they can do and the worst possible time to do it. When they’re afraid, they are in ‘critter mind’. Your amygdala (instinctive survival mind) has hijacked their frontal cortex (reasoning and logic) so they are literally out of their right mind!
When functioning from fear, people feel alone, isolated, unsettled, incompetent and unhelpful. They can’t seem to access their inner power and wisdom. They don’t feel likable or connected and they wonder if anything they do matters. They doubt their abilities and label themselves unfavorably.
“That was so stupid of me to…” “Why can’t I be more like…?” Why didn’t I anticipate that?” and “Isn’t this the same mess I was just in…?”
You will also hear them using these disempowered phrases and doing counter-productive things from these thoughts:
“I ought to…”, “I need to…”, “I should…”, “I can’t…”, and “I have to…”
So…how do you help them move from fear to freedom? Here are several steps:
Get Curious
Assume they make sense and that whatever is happening IS the next right step on their journey. Ask what and how questions:
“What system if put in place would eliminate or reduce this issue?” “What am you feeling and what do you want” “What is being shown to you?” “What can you learn?”, “How can you use your unique strengths to address this?” “How can you grow in leadership because of this?” “How will you access your wisdom?” “How can you encourage yourself?” Or “What will help you now to live your highest purpose and values?
People move out of fear when they realize they are not broken, they are enough, and that they are great or want to be great. When they stop draining their energy from fear, shame, self-doubt and inferiority feelings, they spend more time creating what they most want to create and accomplishing what they most want to accomplish. They love their lives!
Get Compassionate
The word compassion literally means to be with (com) feelings (passion). When you’re afraid, you’re most likely to adapt coping mechanisms to avoid being with your darker feelings. Instead, stop merely coping and bring empathy and healing through presence. Consider viable perspectives about you; draw on your capacity to be caring, patient, loving and kind. Avoid rushing into your next thought or activity.
Get Inspired
Pay attention and notice when you are thinking of doing, deciding or saying something from fear, then don’t. More than ever, you want to operate your business from purpose, values and vision, which come from inspiration. When you are inspired from within or when something enlivening shows up in front of you, then take that next step. Your business will flourish and so will you!
For curious, compassionate and inspiring support, call me today or start by taking one of my online exploration assessments under Services on my website. I’ll send you a FREE report.
As published in the column The Extraordinary Workplace in St. Louis Small Business Monthly, November 2014
