Freedom Is Our Greatest Fear

I am writing this article because autonomy IS freedom and when we fear freedom, we fear ourselves and our initiative and motivation. The world is changing and exercising personal power and living intentionally are essential not only for ourselves but for those we lead and serve. Without being aware of how we and others surrender our freedom and initiative, and fail to make accountable choices, we don’t see what is lost.

Most people avoid personal power and freedom by spending too much time focused on surface problems and who’s to blame. In this avoidance, they fail to see how conditioned they are to fear their own power and choice. Focusing at the surface keeps them layers above the root causal level. Worst of all, they disconnect from the deep place within them that positively informs their choices – their purpose. The courage needed to operate in meaningful and contributing ways is fueled by commitment to purpose.

For years, I have dismantled systems that cause shrinking and install instead those that celebrate, make safe and guide personal power, which is the path to maximum freedom. I learned over time how to stand for this, such that I grew in my constancy to notice what I cause and consciously choose what I cause. Now, I’m able to help others do the same. As a result, I see predictable, repeatable patterns of resistance to freedom and I know how to overcome them. This is why I share with you my lessons learned – to support you in your path forward and to outline why purpose is crucial.

Our Dilemma

No matter how wealthy, educated, accomplished and celebrated, at the core, most people think if they get enough love, approval and acceptance from others, life will finally work and they can be happy. Too often in pursuit of this, they sell their souls, step on and over others, and bypass their inner wisdom. Conditioning to look outside of ourselves for these is so prevalent, that we must be weaned from this as a baby is the bottle. The real treasure we seek is our own power and how to guide it from the highest callings in our hearts and minds. Otherwise, we continue to seek externally and compromise our potential, which leads to fleeting, self-serving, and disappointing experiences. So, because purpose is so vital, what must we remember about it? Purpose (also called mission) as LifeWork Systems defines it includes the following:

• Purpose lights up you and others; it inspires awe and feels natural, authentic, hopeful and is memorable.
• When it’s right, you don’t have to look it up; you love to think, write and say it to feel wonder, awe, and joy.
• Purpose rarely sounds conventional; it doesn’t sound professional, sophisticated, or “jargony.”
• Purpose never excludes; it is not “caused for ‘others’ ‘them’ ‘clients’ ‘dogs.’ Purpose is for all, including you.
• Purpose never relies on circumstances; not age, setting, health, job, role, achievement, era, or identity.
• Purpose never competes; all purposes complement and magnify one another.
• Purpose is personal and transpersonal; it is intended to affect us individually and also to affect others.

Purpose is the highest essence within each person. There may be more than one way to express it but it is essentially the same for each – causing positive outcomes because it is the most natural thing we do when at our best. For those who have made purpose convoluted and solely mental, purpose is then ill-equipped to carry the day. That focus is not whole (or holy), does not inspire, motivate or encourage, and as such, is under-valued, ignored, and forgotten.

The Story of Bob and Judy

In the culture change work of LifeWork Systems, we help every person in an organization uncover and claim their purpose in a process we call Creating Your Blueprint. What we were surprised to discover is the consistent negative reactions we encountered, such as, “Why do we have to do this? This is stupid! What does this have to do with work? This is hard and I don’t get it! I don’t see other organizations doing this!” You get the picture. As a result, I kept moving the session further back in our 14-month program. I was reacting to the negative responses rather than realizing the need to teach this concept sooner than later.

Now this session is at the beginning of our process. By making purpose priority and asking for a commitment to embrace it, we quickly face what I have come to recognize as the fear of freedom. The following is an exchange about purpose with a client I call “Bob” to protect his anonymity.

Bob is a leader, responsible for guiding hundreds of people in a cross-functional and highly visible project in a multi-national company. When he first called me, he was struggling with the executives and culture within his organization. Initially, in an early conversation, I remember sharing with him the crucial need for purpose and how it reflects in what we cause at our best. As I shared with Bob what he had been causing me at his best, to my surprise, this analytical, reserved man got choked up.

Now Bob is a client in a culture change project. When creating his purpose in session 1, he submitted it to me as “I cause coherence.” This purpose was vague, jargony and not descriptive as per Bob’s training. Here is a series of communications between Bob and I. I share these so you can see why this concept is so core and how to understand what it is to stand for the concept of a healthy, inspiring purpose and why.

Me: Bob, your current purpose statement “I cause coherence” is not in touch with your heart; that part of you that was moved when we originally touched upon purpose months ago and you choked up. “I cause coherence” is analytical, safe, difficult to understand, and disconnects you from others. To accept it on my part would be selling out on you. I won’t. You were to use our process to explore specific memories in which you felt the most alive, expanded, and connected. I am curious if you used this process. That process causes you to tap into your identity at your best, including decisions you made, what you caused, and what was being communicated, taught, and modelled.

Like many others, you may be afraid to go to those places AND to put your stake in the ground for who you are in the most basic, awesome way. I don’t say this as an insult. This fear of connecting with, and disclosing who you fully are, is something I see often. Those who know and value you (including me) would not describe you as causing coherence. We would use heart-centered words to express the great and noble person you are and how you impact us on every level. This is why I address fear at the start of the blueprint session and use the quote from Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

Because coherence is not heart-centered or easy to relate to, you do not inspire others to support you in causing your purpose. Committing to your purpose is more important than anything else because it is THE most responsible thing you can do. Without purpose, it is not possible to build a responsibility-based culture. 

Contrast your purpose, “I cause coherence” with these examples from executive leaders. My purpose is to cause, deliver, create or inspire in all …

… love and joy

… reveal best selves

… confidence and shine

… included, worthy, appreciated, and loved

… faith in joyful possibilities

… safe and joyful connections

… joyful, caring community

… caring community, courage and celebrations

… worth, joy, hope, and love 

… joyful transformation

… maximal potential, positive experiences, and personal growth

… courage, community, confidence, and celebration

… a WOW experience

… inspiration, transformation, and laughter

… relax and show their best selves

… a world in which all people love their lives”

Bob: Thanks Judy, I appreciate the feedback but I am still partial to my simple version, “My purpose is to cause coherence“. I have been pondering this topic heavily for a few years now, and I keep coming back to “where do I feel in balance, where do I feel out of balance?” In my mind’s eye, I visualize this fulcrum with blocks stacked on top of each other, each representing important components of my life: Health, Family, Friendships, Community, Service, Professional Development, etc. I have found outlets and investments of my time and energy for all of those blocks, except one. I continue to struggle with not feeling fully engaged in my career. 

Me: ”Bob, the final block you describe IS directly tied with your purpose. I hope in time you will see this should you embrace the advice I’m offering. How would you describe your purpose to a 6^th grader? To your own children? What words would you use so they can picture what you are causing for yourself and for them?  Even when in college, they would likely glaze over with talk of coherence and fulcrum. I know you mean something very important when you are saying these words. And…You separate and protect yourself by speaking your purpose as if in another language. 

Purpose is personal AND transpersonal; it is there to benefit you AND others. This is what’s missing from your purpose. It’s as if you are hiding and hoarding it, who you are and what you mean, and what you can do with your power, all behind words that leave people separate; unable to understand what you’re saying, not feeling your commitment to them or to yourself. You are not disclosing which inhibits creating a fulfilling life. 

Remember the story in the session about an executive who would not put his stake in the ground for causing greatness as he was already doing? He would only say, “I observe greatness.” He was the one missing out on his own unique calling. This is often the case. I know he was afraid; of failing, of being too much, of believing it was prideful, of worrying about what others might think of him or feel about his intention, actions, and results. He did not make it in the company. As the organization grew and the rest of the staff adopted greater personal responsibility and purpose-based ways of operating, he ended up leaving the company, not giving anyone notice, leaving unnecessary messes to clean up. He did not claim his commitment to cause greatness or he would not have left in the way he did.  

Notice how in the Jim Carrey commencement video, how he lit up when he tapped into what he loves to cause: helping people relax. Helping them forget their concerns, and show up as their best selves. Do you see as he lives into his purpose, HE relaxes, HE forgets his concerns and HE shows up as his best self? Can you feel his personal coherence and his balanced fulcrum? Yet, he is able to connect with others through his purpose, values, and visions in words and gestures they understand and feel. He gifts himself and others in this.

Your purpose does not feel like this. I know you are getting there. I encourage you to take this to the transpersonal level, to the vulnerable and bold level, the level of heart AND head for greatest coherence. I encourage you be transparent in a way that is understood, felt, supported and celebrated. You are a crucial part of the village; vital to this world. You are a unique member that understands why one must find what matters to them and live a life that engages them because it’s what balances the fulcrum so “all is right with the world.”

Bob: I can appreciate that coherence isn’t as heart-forward as other words like harmony, but it has the same connotation to me. Coherence is the intentional mapping and action that brings me inner-balance. Coherence is the quality of forming a unified whole.

Me: Yes, it does have this connotation to you. And it is obscure and safe and therefore under the bushel basket for others. Don’t hog this to yourself. You are here to bear witness and to openly support purpose in all. Be there for others and let them be there for you in your purpose. Those who value you and your purpose will be excellent for you. Those who don’t most likely are afraid to be this responsible. Make your purpose engaging and magnetic for others too. Don’t lose the essence; just lose the jargon and express from the heart as you would with your children and wife because you trust them and more importantly, you trust yourself. 

Bob: I’ll keep revisiting it as we keep pulling through this course.   

Me: Bob, I ask you to stay with this sooner, not later. We moved purpose upfront for an important reason. You are part of a team committed to a responsibility-based culture. Key to this is choosing your inspiring, well-defined purpose and committing to it.

Judy’s Aha

During this next exchange with Bob, I came to fully realize the importance of purpose to our freedom and why I had not been serving clients by moving this to the back of the program or failing to move through their resistance fully and as soon as possible. Bob’s resistance below is typical in terms of frustration and pushback.

Bob: I gotta’ be honest, Judy, I am getting worn down by the back and forth here. It feels like you have something in mind, and we’re not going to move forward until what is in your mind, is what I claim as my purpose. The Lifework Systems definition of purpose is very contrary to other purpose statements I have spent time with previously, and it seems I am just not getting it. 

Me: Yes, I do have something in mind and no you are not getting it. This model may not be what you’ve already learned or what you expect. In this matter of your purpose, I can see it is not. The question is: are you going to pick and choose what you’ll give a try and skip what does not feel comfortable or familiar?

Can you open to the idea that a responsibility-based model starts with a socially interested purpose – in other words, using your personal power and your best self to cause positive consequences to and for yourself AND others? You are not getting it because you are trying to fit this concept of purpose into something familiar, something conventionally acceptable, something you’ve already learned, rather than opening to it as a possible missing piece that could shift everything for you and others. This concept, committing to one’s purpose in the way we instruct, is not hierarchical, and not striving to be right, relevant, or socially safe. Rather it is choosing to be fully responsible.

Personal responsibility is about starting from the inside of one’s self, at the core level; living life from the fully, intrinsically motivated center of who you are and what you are here to bring. Purpose is central to this model. Personal responsibility is individual AND collective, it is freedom AND responsibility. Just like you can’t pick and choose to ignore some things at the causal level for yourself without experiencing the effects personally, so too you cannot ignore things at the causal level for others without causing effects for them. The question is do you want to be intentional in all of this? We are always exercising our power. We are always causing. We best serve everyone (including ourself) to be purposeful about it and to have an expanded, fully alive trajectory rather than remain unconscious and self-focused, and about as helpful as the proverbial bull in the China shop.

Bob: So, the question seems to distill down to: is it more important that my purpose statement aligns to the LifeWork Systems model, or that it resonates with me?

Me: Bob, your question tells me you feel the answer must be either/or; it is BOTH. The LifeWork Systems model requires you determine what you cause at your best and put a stake in the ground for it. That is the alignment expected. AND… it must also resonate with you. This is why it is discovered through your unique, expansive, specific memories and what is drawn from them. This is why your purpose will resonate with you if you engage in the process provided.

At least one reason this does not resonate with you is because I am asking you to connect it to how you impact not only yourself, but others. I could tell from our recent conversation in a mentoring session that you believe causing things for others is somehow:

1. none of your business
2. not your responsibility
3. not important to living a responsible life
4. is presumptuous regarding others, and
5. not something you should be asked to do, especially if it feels uncomfortable.

And yet, you ARE asked to do this. Purpose is NOT power-over anyone and it is not power-under anyone. Purpose is claiming power-WITHIN, power-WITH, power-FOR, and power-BETWEEN for ALL. In this, purpose is shared and key in shifting to a responsibility-based, Teal culture model. Purpose and values-based ways of operating are vital to a psychologically safe, trustworthy, and emotionally and socially intelligent culture.

Bob: I can say something like, “My purpose is to elevate everyone in the world to their highest state” but I don’t feel connected to that.

Me: Then I suggest you find a purpose you DO connect with that is in service to you AND others. Do the process until this connects for you. It feels a little like that click you had when you realized you wanted to marry your wife. It fit, it inspired, it brought the best to the surface. Let me help you if you need support.

To be clear: You are not being asked to impose your purpose on anyone. You are an advocate for it; a representative of it. It’s like being a happy person because you like being happy, it’s the most meaningful and natural to you, and as a result, you enjoy spreading happiness. You are not trying to force anyone to be happy. You are modeling it, asking questions that support it, offering it, and being a stand for it. Like a sweet and loving dog, you are not afraid to lavish your purpose on the world from the joy and love inside you. I know this sounds antithetical to corporate think and corporate speak and I say “Thank God we are moving out of that model!” We are now in evolutionary Teal; a model of radical consciousness you are familiar with and want.

And this… as such will not seem or sound professional, sophisticated, comfortable, or ok. It seems risky and kumbaya-ish.  Signing up for this responsibility-based culture model is like the first flight to the moon; it’s exciting if you let it be and scary as hell if you don’t. You have heard me say “it’s not for the faint of heart.”

Bob, if you reflect on those people who have most inspired and expanded you, they have lived from purpose this way and did not worry about being conventional. They were loved AND hated, supported AND criticized. To live from purpose means making service more important than being liked. These are the Nelson Mandela’s, the Viktor Frankl’s (who BTW started logo-therapy, getting in touch with meaningful purpose – in the German death camps because it extended the life and health of those who practiced it), the Martin Luther King’s, and include lesser-known people in your own life who have brought you what is best and inspire creativity, innovation and hope. 

When you reflect on the worst people you have ever seen, read about, or met, they have a different purpose or intention, or none at all; often reacting from fear and limiting beliefs. They are the Hitler’s, Saddam Hussein’s, Stalin’s, and again on a simpler level, those who have brought you abuse, thoughtlessness, or neglect. Or for that matter, those who, as Thoreau described, “live lives of quiet desperation” and put off vibes of apathy, mediocrity, benign self-absorption, and lack of direction, because they do not have a purpose; a touchstone.

Without a meaningful purpose, many default to power-over and power-under, and the modeling of the many to choose win/lose and zero-sum (at least more often than otherwise). Their purpose does not come from their most expanded memories but rather often from their conditioned beliefs that ‘might makes right’, ‘I only matter when I get my way’, ‘it’s a dog-eat-dog world’, ‘second place is first loser’ and other cynicisms.

Bob: I appreciate all of the reasons why that framing is inspirational. I see your points, I do. The vague language and transpersonal scope just don’t resonate with me right now. 

Me: Then right now (which is all we have) you ARE out of alignment with LifeWork Systems and while you won’t be ex-communicated, this impacts you and all around you. Social interest is a key component of this model and the psychology of Alfred Adler behind it. He coined social interest; using one’s agency to intentionally cause good in self and others. Then all have the opportunity to experience a healthy sense of belonging and significance, become inspired, and be their best. Social interest is what makes convicts stop offending and getting reincarcerated over and over. Your unique purpose is the guidance system that enables you to reliably and consistently (over time) find the most meaningful reasons for everything you do and for all you affect!

Without your stake in the ground, you will sometimes follow your purpose but you will also have an open back door to put your foot in, and at times to exit from, without recognition of it because you have not committed (been all in) in the first place. When your purpose is embraced from your most natural, noble self, and committed to, it is not forced, feared, difficult, or repellant. Rather, it is magnetic and brings about amazing things for you and for everyone else.

Bob: I’m starting to feel like I misinterpreted what the course was intending. I am trying to learn tactical skills to build responsibility-based cultures, and I’m getting ground down on the semantics of a personal purpose. statement.

Me: You do not misinterpret what this course was and is intending. You ARE learning tactical skills to build a responsibility-based culture. They just don’t and won’t all look like you expected them to look. There is an internal culture and an interpersonal culture, alone and together, because after all, that is what culture actually is. Because this course is already not what you expected, you resist what is new and uncomfortable. Discomfort is not the enemy, Bob. Complacency and status quo are. I ask you to try on this model with full commitment. You don’t have to keep anything you don’t want but you won’t know why each component is included or its value if you don’t open to try on each. The newest at times WILL be unlike what you may have chosen in the past, thought you were getting into, or ever heard of, or considered before. This program is not expecting you to learn what you know you don’t know, but rather, learn what you didn’t know that you didn’t know…

This step of choosing purpose for ourselves and others requires courage and willingness, and that we become fully responsible from the inside out; from the CORE of who we are, not just on the surface with tactical skills; tools and strategies, too often wielded without a consistent intent behind them. The surface, shallow use of tools and skills creates a house of cards. Many people like their tools, techniques and strategies because they are concrete, sexy and feel powerful, but without a shift in thinking, they are rendered less helpful and often counterproductive.

People do NOT like changing their minds and diving into the shifts needed in their thinking. They don’t like to think what they once thought is now outdated because the new scares them and requires that they go out of their way and into the unfamiliar. Without the mindset shift, more often than not, people just show up as fools with tools. I see this a lot and then a model and tools are discounted as insufficient and blamed, when in reality, it is the level of intent or lack thereof, that makes them so.

You see this in your work in agile. Mindset informs values and beliefs, which then informs thoughts and feelings, which then informs behavior. To settle for tactics and strategies alone is to accept a façade predicated on playing it safe and doing what’s familiar. This does not help people get to that all-important root level where healing, growing, engaging, and reflecting transforms into wellness, self-worth, faith in life, in goodness, in people, and in possibilities.

Bob: At this point, this is actually zapping my enthusiasm. This is less than ideal going into my leading the group review next Monday night. 

Me: Hmmm… so how will you take responsibility for your enthusiasm no matter what? You must weigh what that is for you Bob. To me, it is less than ideal that you resist your purpose as you lead the group in review next week. I can only lead you to what I know is helpful and important. You always have free will to get discouraged, to zap your enthusiasm, to get worn down, and to say NO. I have no control over you nor do I want it. I want you to be part of this program and this process and to stop resisting this step. I’m asking you to be willing. The choice is yours. What will you do?  

Bob: For what it’s worth, this interaction is akin to many interactions I have had with other authority figures over time. My default is to shut down, or say whatever that person wants to hear, so I am proud of myself for engaging in a healthy conversation. If nothing else, that is growth… 

Me: Absolutely! You are trusting and valuing yourself Bob! Keep doing that! I am also doing this more than ever before, to keep it real, to lead with my experience, intuition, and knowledge, to choose my courage and vulnerability and my willingness to not be liked, with my purpose – all rather than to operate from fear. I offer information with a surrendered heart regarding what others, including you, do with my guidance.

Bob, I want you to get this AND you are a free agent who must weigh what I am saying and decide with full consideration of all the positive and negative consequences involved. Then you will have peace in making your choices from your autonomy vs. a belief you are powerless. Then you act from personal responsibility aligning what you think, speak, feel, say and do. Only then are you accountable. And only you can determine if your decisions are born of being a victim, a rebel, or made consciously exercising your free will. Bob, you matter. I remain your constant in supporting you. How can I help?

As I write this article, Bob is reflecting on all of this and commits to continue this conversation. I don’t know the outcome and I choose to submit this article in this moment, fully in my own yard and knowing my own purpose. The greatest joy and gift we give is being intact and my hope is that this writing will inspire you experience the effects of my purpose; to a life you love by a purpose from which YOU responsibly choose!

This article is published in the column The Extraordinary Workplace in St. Louis Small Business Monthly, November, 2024