This TV interview describes the underlying reasons we all gossip and what we can do instead including how to stop gossiping and do healthy venting and resolution instead.
all right Ange next weekend is a working woman’s survival show but we’ve got a little taste of it for you this morning columnist consultant Judy Ryan is here and Judy will be speaking on gossip believe it or not there are some good reasons to gossip but certainly not when the topic isn’t it to hurt people Judy thanks for coming in and giving us a little preview you’re welcome and I’m really glad to be talking about this because people are so judgmental in a way about this topic that it doesn’t get talked about a lot but the good reasons that people gossip are that the social needs that we all have beyond survival are to feel empowered and to feel loveable and to feel connected and to feel that we have contributions to make and usually when we’re gossiping it’s because something is going on within us where we don’t feel those things and so one of the reasons that we gossip is because it gives us a sense of pseudo power to say something bad about somebody and raise ourselves up and that’s just a power that doesn’t really serve it’s kind of like a sugar rush by eating a candy bar instead of eating a nutritious meal what sells the magazines at the end of the grocery aisle right and the gossip rags but what’s the harm and for taking of that especially if it’s you know the Hollywood set and people you don’t know well maybe it’s not as harmful if you’re talking about the Hollywood set although I think that we have an impact on us when we talk negative about anybody it kind of has an effect overall but really the kind of harmful gossip I’m talking about is what people do in the workplace and in the community and a lot of times the reason that it’s so harmful is because Trust is so important for people and if your cause something even if I’m talking bad about somebody else to you you’re gonna think well gosh what if I get on her bad side you know she’ll talk about about me and it kind of just breaks that trust overall so and there’s a difference between gossiping and venting yes well and even venting can be the term people use for gossip what I suggest to people is that they do want to vent but that there’s healthy ways to vent and so if I’m gonna come to you and I’m going to vent the some of the guidelines I suggest to people are don’t name names you know come in and say I’ve got this situation with somebody I don’t need to tell you who it is here are my fears and concerns I have about this situation and here’s what I want to have be the result of this conversation with you this eventing I want to be able to create something positive out of it and then you might even ask for help you know could I practice with you how I would go to this person and usually I suggest that people also kind of lift their mood afterwards because all negative behavior including gossip comes from that feeling of not being empowered lovable connected and contributing so then I suggest them but if you sort of sanitize it I guess that’s one of the alternatives to actually seeing me telling you hey to hear about Angela audio if you sanitize it and take the names out of it do you feel satisfied I mean you know you have reasons there a good reason to gossip but are those reasons satisfied if you if your that your reason for gossiping is I need to vent you have to really be willing to look at your intention for venting is my intention for venting – just kind of lift a little steam off the lid or is it to actually make productive resolution to what’s going on now I imagine you practice what you preach I do most of the time there’s times that I don’t recognize I’m discouraged you know when I find myself wanting to do that another thing that people do is in our culture it’s not really as acceptable to connect through positive things like saying oh I just love you and you’re just great it’s it’s we don’t get listened to a lot of times around those sorts of things but we really get listened to around juicy gossip well the reason I brought up about practicing what you preach do you recognize that you just feel better you don’t miss it I don’t miss it no I really don’t miss it in fact there’s a few places I’m still working on it but I definitely see that it has a positive effect on the people that put it down all right
